Contemplations
by kkann
Summary: Turns out that Keira could learn quite a bit about heart-ache from the Tattooed Wonder, even if neither wanted to admit it. But that made her wonder, did she ever love the other boy in the first place? Did he know how much hurt them both? Post-Jak 3


**A/N: **This was actually one of this first things I started for this series of J&D fanfiction I've been writing, but then it just kind of sat there unfinished on my computer, so I decided to go back and finish it. Pretty glad I did too, actually.  
Believe it or not, this one-shot was actually inspired by my disdain for toward the end of _Jak 3 _and a bottle of Snapple. (Subliminal advertising much?)

Takes place after _Jak 3_, involving the kiss between Jak and Ashelin, and the discussion and contemplation of it between Torn and Keira. Takes place right after Cyber-Errol goes ker-balm for the second time. (And I swear I will laugh _really really_ hard is he comes back in the new Jak & Daxter game as some random being.)

Includes aforementioned discussion between Torn and Keira, and Torn's out-of-character-ness at one point. Ah well.

Can be considered slight KeiraxTorn, or simply them being friends and getting along. Personally, I see it more as Torn being big-brotherly toward Keira. You can see it however you want. (Actual pairings are KeiraxJak and TornxAshelin, though they are not exactly...nevermind.) Does not involve Keira insulting Ashelin, and she also has a backbone in this story, rather than lamenting over how Jak 'betrayed' her. Even if he kinda sorta did. In a way.

For the record, Keira does not hate Ashelin, just as Torn does not hate Jak. Though, this story does involve Jak-bashing as one of its focuses in a way, merely because that's the way it worked out in this story. Besides, he's the only character no one seems to hate/make fun of/bash in stories. (grumbles) Wonder _why_... Though of course, that answer is a bit obvious. He isn't perfect. I think we all know that...

Onward!

* * *

"Here. It doesn't change what happened, but it can make some of the pain go away."

Keira's first reaction was shock. Why was this man she had barely known for little over a year talking to her? She knew him, yes, of course she did. She'd been working with him and the Underground after Praxis' defeat, rebuilding parts of the city and helping taken care of small, more menial tasks.

He'd been there earlier, when -no, she didn't need to think about _him _right now. He didn't matter anymore.

…Did he?

But yes, she had been working with him and the Underground –the 'Freedom League' as it was called now- when _he _was out in the Wasteland- repairing vehicles and helping him strategize while Tess worked on weapons and Ashelin fought to maintain some control over the city while Veger had all but lost it.

Torn. He wasn't a bad guy, sure there were times she had gotten annoyed with him, but everything he did was within reason.

That still didn't explain why he was talking to her though. He was holding a glass bottle in one of his thin hands, offering it to her, partially filled with a sparkling liquid, the little bubbles in it bursting as they came in contact.

"I don't drink." Her answer was blunt. Quick, short, and faltering. Just like her relationship with the other man, but even that hadn't been much to sneeze at even since coming to Haven. Torn was still offering the bottle to her. Typically, she didn't drink if she could help it, but now didn't seem like such a bad time to start. Yes, let her wallow for the night and then continue living her life the next.

They had just returned from the celebration in Spargus, neither much in the mood for a party. The two had stood outside of the stadium entrance, waiting to be joined by _him_ and Ashelin before they headed out into the desert city. As luck would have it, Daxter was the first to appear, and also quick to blab about the kiss in the desert only hours before. Tess had accompanied him, contemplating her new furry body and gasping inaudibly upon hearing _he_ and Ashelin having kissed.

Keira had attempted to shrug it off, hiding how much it hurt her. She'd seen the kiss between the two following Errol's demise –for the second time, nonetheless-, and part of her wanted to exist in the delusional fantasy that it hadn't happened. That she'd seen things.

But of course not. Fate hadn't been the most lenient thing in Keira's life for the past few years, what with the Rift Gate incident and spending two years alone in an unfamiliar city, only to ruin the reunion she'd had with _him_ and Daxter with '_You look different._'

She took the bottle.

To further add on to her woes, Tess had finally convinced Keira to plant one on _him_ before they left for Haven. Keira had just been about to meet him out in front of the city when she'd seen them. The gate had just opened before her when she saw _his_ hands on _her _hips.

And Daxter had just stood there! Grinning, of all things!

Sig had been there as well, looking uncomfortable. Of course _Daxter _had even seen her! She had watched his small head turn and look at her, his eyes widening and jaw dropping –that regretful look too! And _he_, of course, didn't even know she'd stood there and seen the whole thing.

Why didn't _he_ just take her heart out and stomp on it while he was at it? _He_ was already breaking it, so why stop there?

Then again, it didn't really matter to her anymore. _He_'d obviously given up on anything between them, so what was the use in her continually pining after _him_? She didn't need _him_ anymore… Right?

But then again, why had Daxter come up to her to make her relive the one scene she never wanted to see again? He caught himself a moment too late, that constant smirk leaving his features to be replaced with another look of regret.

"Oh." He whispered. "Yeah." There was an uncomfortable pause. She could feel the irritation and jealously radiating from Torn, along with just a hint of …loss? "I…I'm sorry, Keira. …Torn."

He'd apologized, but he wasn't at fault for any of it. Still, he'd made an effort.

"Not so fast," Torn cut in, interrupting the daydream she'd desperately been trying to ignore the entire ride back from Spargus. He was gesturing to the bottle she held against her lips. "Sure it tastes great, but it's not necessarily cheap, you know."

Without so much as a sigh Keira set it on the counter of the bar, sliding it back to him. At first it was bitter, like fruit just reaching its expiration date, but the after taste made her think twice about it. It had a slight sweet citrus-like taste. She didn't mind that; it was pretty good in all actuality. But alcohol wouldn't have been the proper answer to her woes. It helped though, she'd give it that much.

Torn situated himself on the stool next to her, taking a sip from the bottle himself before settling it between the two of them. Keira chanced a gaze at him from the corner of her eye; half expecting the bitter look normally etched onto his angular features, but found the exact opposite much to her surprise.

The look of defeat was too much to bear, and she quickly looked away; at the broken bits left from the grimy mirror facing the both of them, the numerous bottles lining the shelf, a random obscure picture on the wall, anything but him.

He cracked his knuckles before he went back to crossing his arms over the sticky counter. She let out a small sigh, drawing a fingernail across the surface, grimacing at the residue now residing on her cuticle. She'd have to talk to Tess and her orange cohort about that, but at the moment she had a more pressing matter on her hands. Namely the pitiful looking ex-Guard beside her. Breaking the silence couldn't hurt that much, could it?

"We look pathetic, don't we?" She'd meant for it to come off as a joke, but the only response she received was a disgruntled cough, though there was a hint of a small smile pulling at the lips withholding his fury and remorse.

The silence lengthened excruciatingly after that. Keira frowned at herself for the most part, her thoughts inevitably wandering back to _him_. Disgusted with that _interaction_ as she was, she couldn't help but feel slight remorse for the situation, trying to ignore the anger and irritation towards _him _rising in her. After all, did she really have any right to be angry with _him_? It wasn't as if they had actually been anything close to a couple. Granted, there were a few occasions that were interrupted by Daxter, but had those not meant anything? Was _he _not willing to try again, to wait?

Well if he wasn't, neither was she.

Yes, part of her cared for him. Deeply. But she wasn't going to continually pin for _him_ if she wasn't going to get any compensation for it.

"Jak's an idiot, I hope you know." Torn's words cutting through the thickening air between the two was enough to tear her away from the self-pity she'd been growing to loathe. She glanced over at him, half-heartedly expecting him to be smirking at the least, not to be looking back at her in all seriousness.

"Just because you're annoyed with him doesn't mean you have to insult him." Keira shot back, tearing her gaze away from his steely eyes, forcing her heated glare at the disgusting wall that had once been a full length mirror. She rested her chin in her raised palm for lack of anything better to do.

"I'm only saying it because it's true." He replied, unfazed by her reaction, almost as if he'd been expecting it. It was silent once more.

Keira swallowed a few times to clear the lump that had been rising in her throat, feeling more cross with herself rather than _Jak_; feeling little pity for the fact she had been trying to convince herself to hate Jak, even if the opposite was true. Who really knew. After awhile, she'd stop caring.

"I didn't see you at that party." Torn said a few minutes later, settling the bottle back down onto the sticky counter after taking a swig. "Not much of a people person, are you?"

"I'm not much of a partygoer." Her tone had softened from the sharp response she'd uttered only a moment earlier. She raised her head off of her hand to turn and look at him with half-lidded eyes. "Besides, you don't exactly scream 'Mr. Sociable' yourself."

He smirked. "Touché." Torn scratched the back of his hand before he continued speaking, though part of the girl really had no desire to listen to him. "I still stand by what I said about him, even if you don't seem to agree."

"I never said he wasn't an idiot, I just said you don't _have _to insult him." Keira said softly.

"Yeah, but isn't that what _you _want to do? Even if you don't want to admit it, I know it's true. He's not that great of a guy that you can't find _something _negative to say about him." The girl's eyes narrowed.

"Oh, and suddenly you know so much about me? Tell me, what exactly is that I want to say about him?" Her voice had taken that edge it had begun with. Torn was unbothered by this.

"Face it, he hurt you, I know he did. He hurt both of us. Not in the same way of course, but he still did." Torn's mouth had lost its rare smile by this point, and he shook his head. "Look, I don't mean to sound like an outright, _jerk_, but I'm not really that talkative type. You need someone like that, you go to a psychiatrist or Tess. Not me."

Keira couldn't bring herself to tell him that at the moment he was talking enough for the both of them. Truth be told, she'd come to the Naughty Ottsel to get _away _from all traces of what had happened, not to have Torn make her relive the scene again and _not shut up about it._

"I'm sorry Torn." She whispered, knowing full well that the kiss between Jak and Ashelin had not only hurt her, but him as well. To her surprise, he shook his head.

"Don't say that. I'm tired of people telling me how _sorry _they are. _I'm sorry about the ordeal with the Baron, Torn. Sorry about that attack on Dead Town. Sorry about your mother, and your father. Sorry that you can't keep your our men from getting killed. Oh, and now we're sorry that your girlfriend kissed another guy. _Everyone's so damn sorry half the time I don't even care." The corner of his lip curled. "After hearing it enough times, the words '_I'm sorry_' don't mean anything anymore. They're just words."

He took a drink, and she wasn't sure if she was supposed to hug him and or agree with him. She certainly couldn't apologize after what he'd just said.

"What about you?" Torn asked, looking back at her and suddenly making her feel small and exposed to her disdain.

"What about me?" She quipped, her eyebrows raised.

"What are people sorry about for you?" Keira shrugged a shoulder as she reached for the bottle Torn was offering her.

"Tess is sorry for me…" She paused, looking down at the rim of the glass container in her hands, keeping her eyes away from the man currently watching her. "Daxter too maybe, but mostly Tess." She took a breath. "She's sorry about…My…coming here, and…Erol."

Torn didn't have the heart to ask her why, though his gut gave him a hint.

"You see, well, you probably wouldn't believe me even if I told you,"

"Try me," His tone was a mixture of humor and serious.

"Let's just say, it's a long story, and I'd rather not…talk about it." There was a sad and hurt look in her eyes, making him feel guilty for even asking. Still, Torn suddenly wished Erol would come back to life for about three minutes so he could relish in killing him himself for the both of them.

"But you were calling Jak an idiot, care to elaborate?" Keira was changing the subject, and rather than further traumatize her with her past he went along with it.

"He is. End of story."

"That's not a very good story." There was a small smile pulling at her lips.

"Oh yeah? Not good enough?" She shook her head jokingly. "Fine then, I'll tell you why he's a complete moron and fool." He stretched his arms up over his head to draw out the suspense he'd been creating.

"First of all, Jak's an idiot because he already has...er, _had _a girl there for him." He gestured at Keira absent-mindedly. "And she wasn't already involved with someone else, damn him. Secondly, he's an idiot because I highly doubt any rational thought went into that kiss he gave Ashelin, and therefore he didn't see past his own nose to realize how much that simple act could hurt other people."

She picked at the edge of the bar as the other man spoke.

"Did he not realize the fact that you cared about him? The fact that whenever he was there to drag his sorry ass back to the Headquarters or Underground, you were the one there for him, waiting? Was he really that stupid to not kiss you, even when you two could have, but instead he kisses some other woman?" He wasn't going to openly insult Ashelin, despite how angry he was. He back tracked at the look he was given. "Hey, maybe I'm not scrutinizing your relationship like Tess, but I'm not stupid. You cared about him then, and maybe you still do, I don't know."

Torn leaned forward, hunching over the bar once more. Keira's gaze studied the grimy residue on the surface.

"Did you love her, Torn?" She hadn't been trying to pry, she was simply curious. She wasn't expecting the reply she received.

"If that's what you want to call it, then sure." Keira nodded slowly. His steely eyes flitted over to her. "Did you love _him_?"

She bit her lip, unsure of what to say.

"I don't…I don't know anymore." She blinked in annoyance, feeling traitorous tears rising. "I guess you could say I did at one time, and it's not that I don't care about him now, it's just that…Maybe it sounds stupid, but it's hurts. What happened."

"That doesn't sound stupid." Torn said sincerely, keeping his gaze steady. "But before we really get into this whole spiel, I just want you to know that sure, you are allowed to cry, but there is no hugging me. At all." She nodded numbly, blinking unshed tears away that had been forming. "He _did _hurt you Keira, and what makes him a complete ass is the fact that he doesn't even seem to realize it. Personally, I don't care if he just saved the world. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. I could do that, if I really wanted to. Being Mr. High-and-Mighty doesn't change the fact that he kissed Ashelin."

They both took a breath.

"Do you still care about him though?" His curiosity was getting the best of him. "Even after all of that?"

"Do you still care about Ashelin?" She responded, subconsciously tracing shapes on one of her gauntlets. He was silent for a moment.

"…Yeah."

"Why?" He knew she was toying with him, trying to get him to admit his feelings. He decided to go along with it, rather than prolong the already drawn out evening. He leaned back, keeping his forearms on the bar before him.

"Because if you really do care about somebody –love them, maybe- you try to at least see past their mistakes. I've made quite a few in my time, believe it or not, and Ashelin has yet to let me down." Pause; then quietly, "Not including what happened a few hours ago." He shook his head. "But if she's been able to see past my faults for _years_, would it hurt for me to try to oversee this one?"

"Are you saying I should forgive Jak then?" Keira asked, feeling overly naïve and hating it. Torn seemed to dwell on this for a few heartbeats.

"It's really your call. You can forgive him if you want, or tell him to hit the road." He cracked his knuckles once more. "Personally, I can beat him up for you if you wanted. Not that you'd have to ask, and besides, he's had it coming, let me tell you." That was true, but Keira barely seemed to contemplate this.

"As much as I would like that to happen, I think I'd rather you didn't."

"What, you going after Ashelin?"

Keira made a face as he said this. "Right. All I know is that we can't kill either of them, because then neither of us would be happy, let alone those two."

"Damn, moot point then?" He replied, obviously slightly miffed at his offer of beating up Jak being denied. He still planned to sometime.

"You're hilarious." Keira muttered, taking a drink from the now half-full, or half-empty bottle.

"You'd be surprised. I do try sometimes." Torn nearly snickered. "But we're getting off topic. Back to Jak and his supreme idiocy." Keira sighed.

"Look, I told you, I do care about him, okay? I'm just not so sure that _now_, of all times, is my best shot at getting back into his good graces." Torn rose an eyebrow in question.

"Were you ever out of them?" She shrugged.

"I don't know. I haven't really spoken to him in a while. Right now I'm just that little mechanic girl on the sidelines waiting to piece a zoomer or JET-board back together, let alone clean up after him and listen to his woes." She rested her chin on her raised palm again. "Sounds like fun, doesn't it?"

"You're not just a mechanic, Keira." Torn simply stated, his words solidifying in her ears as he said this. "You're his friend, ours too. Don't think for one minute that no one doesn't give a damn about you, because we do. We don't think of you as some liability. We think of you as a friend." Torn mentally cursed at himself. He'd become too soft toward her and had ended up revealing the less gruff-side of his personality. She didn't seem too keen on exploiting this, however.

"Thanks," Keira offered him a small, sad smile. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes once more, but for different reasons. One began to make its way down her cheek. "It's just that…" She started again after wiping it away, only to have more take its place. Torn's face threatened uncharacteristic concern. "Honestly, I don't know who I'm angrier with, him or me. It's not like he actually _betrayed _me, and we weren't actually a couple or anything. Just really good friends. And maybe I don't really have a right to be made at him. I mean, it's not like he was going to wait forever, I know that, and I wasn't going to either. Still, you'd think after all that time at least we could try…"

Keira trailed off and dug the heels of her palms into her eyes. She'd already lasted this long, so why start crying now? "I wasn't going to cry. I told myself not to. God, this is so stupid!"

She felt a hand pat her shoulder before it was retracted.

"I've said it before, it's not stupid." He said. "Sure it may seem like it now, but it really isn't stupid for you to be upset over what happened. Yeah, you two weren't all over each other, but it was still obvious how much you cared about one another. And he's willing to throw that all way? You deserve someone better. Maybe he didn't betray you completely, but he did betray the trust you had in him."

Damn. He was getting soft again. Torn knew he had to change his tone or course of action to save face, but for the time being, maybe he could live with being a 'nice guy'. If only for a few minutes.

She gave him a little smirk. "Really." Torn nodded.

"If you care about him that much and want to…" He chose his words carefully. "_Be with him_, then you've gotta find a reason to let him come back to you." Mentally, he shook his head. Time to try a different route.

"You have to make him fight for you, Keira. You can't let him back with open arms like everything's a-ok. That's like enforcing a bad habit with a crocadog. If you don't reprimand it for doing something it shouldn't, it's going to keep it up."

"Jak screwed up big time, and he _needs _to know that. Don't tell him you'll love him forever and that's why you'll be forgiving him –unless that's the case with you. Make him realize what he did, and he has to pay for it, be a man and own up to it. I'm sure you're probably worth the fight, in his eyes at least. Show him that."

Keira actually smiled despite the tears trailing their way down her face. "You think so?"

"Couldn't hurt." Torn's normal demeanor had returned, the rare kinder side of him now crawling back to the recess within him that it had spawned from. "I still think Jak can be a complete moron most of the time, but he is still my friend, so I can't entirely blacken his character. Now his face on the other hand…"

"And you'll do the same with Ashelin?" Keira asked almost jokingly. Torn turned his eyes to the ceiling and then back at her.

"That's different. We're adults. You kids have your own issues." He clamped his mouth shut before he opened it again. "Dammit, now I sound old. Regardless, it's different than you and Jak. We have a history together, like you two, but-"

"-It's '_different_'?" Keira supplied with an actual smile. Torn returned half of one of his own.

"Yeah." She nodded as she turned the bottle between her slender hands. "Just remember what I said, got that?"

"Got it." Keira took her last sip from the bottle, leaving the last third of it to him. She studied it for a moment. "What is that anyway? It doesn't taste anything like the stuff Daxter's got here, it's too…"

"Sweet? Not tasteless? Decent?" She let out a humorous sigh.

"That and more. But seriously, I want to know." There was a short silence before he gave her half a nod.

"You know what a pomelo is?" He asked quizzically. She blinked, taken back by this.

"Yeah, but aren't those either really rare or really expensive?" He subtly waved a hand dismissively.

"What can I say? I had money." Torn clearly stated. "I bought some of this fruity…tea stuff from this guy down on his luck. It's the real deal too, not some cheap knock-off crap that can get you sick."

Fruity tea. Not alcohol. Huh. Keira would have to make a note of that, having no future plans of drinking herself silly like Daxter or wasting her money on liquor. At least if she ever had some extra pocket change, she could buy some of this tea and reminisce about the time someone had made her feel like she had a place and reason –without flirting with her or being creepy rather than friendly like Torn had surprisingly been.

She emitted a bit of laugh, still slightly garbled by the tears she'd been swallowing.

Disregarding what he'd clearly said barely twenty minutes before she wrapped her arms around his thin shoulders, only receiving a slight response of his back stiffening and a hand timidly patting her arms before she withdrew.

"What did I say about hugging me?" He muttered, only half serious. Keira smiled lightly.

"I know, but thanks, Torn." He nodded as the door to the bar opened and the man they'd been discussing entered, accompanied by the other in question. Jak's gaze bounced around the room as if searching for a face until it came to rest upon the green-haired girl with a steady, unfaltering gaze of her own.

She could've sworn the blonde very nearly flinched at her glance as the Torn swiveled around on his stool, Ashelin passing by Jak to walk around the communications board and toward the man next to Keira. She bowed her head slightly to Keira in a silent apology. Keira returned to favor.

As Ashelin sat beside Torn and Jak kept his gaze upon Keira, feeling a mix of emotions –flowing between guilt, ignorance, and practically asking for her to be forgiving- Torn inclined his head to the girl beside him, leaving her with a quiet short bit of advice and near warning.

"Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there."

With that last statement he turned and began a private conversation with Ashelin, signaling to Keira that it was either now or never. She took a deep breath and stood, striding toward the large board in the middle of the room as Jak met her halfway.

"Keira," He blinked, his eyes flitting guiltily around her face as she looked up at him. "We, er, can we…talk?"

_You have to make him fight for you._

Keira smiled.

"Yeah Jak. We can talk."

* * *

**A/N:** And so they did and they all lived happily ever after. Right until they were invited to Kras City for the reading of Krew's will, and then BAM, the happy all but dies. But Happy Ending, so unloved. (Even if it is clichéd, some characters deserve it. Still, that's irrelevant.)  
So the didn't exactly live happily ever after, but no one killed each other, so it's all good! No character death! No people getting beat up! (Yet.) And dammit Jak, you really do have it coming.

I think Torn and Keira would actually get along quite well, and besides, I though they had some common ground with the whole 'Jak and Ashelin' thing. Even if he did turn into a bit of a softy. Either way.

_"Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there." --Scott Adams  
_That's where Torn's last line's from. Some guy I've never heard of, but I liked his quote, so... (looks sheepish)

Oh well hey, doesn't matter too much, does it? Yeah...okay...  
And I thought I made up the word 'pomelo.' I took the names of two fruits -pomegranate and tangelo- and added them together. Now I know it's a real fruit. I could've saved myself twenty minutes, dang it! Ha. D:

There was supposed to be more where Keira said that Daxter and Tess were sorry about her and Erol and all that, but since that took away from the story and started going off on its own tangent, it was removed.

But I'll be honest, I like how this turned out, I really do.

Thanks again for stopping by. :)


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